A Series of Unfortunate Events

You know, quarantine has been treating me pretty well lately. Working from my kitchen table.. couch.. bed.. toilet.. Making gourmet lunches during my 12:30 PM amateur cooking show, all while wearing my “fancy” pajamas that only get broken out for those important Zoom meetings. What can I say, I have gotten more sleep, I have had more time to focus on my health and wellness, and I have had an overwhelming (appropriate) amount of quality time with my dog. I can admit that I am longing for life as we knew it, but I also highly enjoy having my groceries delivered to my doorstep. As my fiancé and I are adjusting to our new normal, we did encounter a day of unfortunate events during quarantine.

It started out just as any other beautiful, Spring, Saturday. We had planned on making the drive to get a truck load of top soil for my new garden beds. I am truly so excited to have the time to garden this summer, and prove to the world that I to can keep a plant alive. I am absolutely considering this preparation for having a small child one day. I also may be trying to redeem myself from my brown thumb last summer, but who is really paying attention? I have been working on my little baby sprouts for a few weeks now, and watching them grow from just a tiny seed gives such a feeling of satisfaction. As one may know, a plant requires water and sunlight to stay alive. If this is news to you, you might want to stick to buying your produce from the farmer’s market. As I was saying, water, sunlight. I watered, and since it was nice out, I put my little beans out in the yard to get a good ol’ sun tan. Fast forwarding to our return, there was a tragic accident that may have scarred me for the rest of my gardening career. Despite being my newly refreshed quarantine self, I may still have a pickle for a brain. I totally forgot I put my precious sprouts out to get some sun. I think we’re going to hold off on the producing of a tiny human. As the world moved in what seemed like slow motion, I watched in horror as my hard work crumbled under the tires of a 2018 Toyota Tacoma. Their funeral will be held Saturday, May 2nd in the back yard, please only close family and friends.

As tragedy stuck, we waisted no time in prepping for a regrow. We put on our homemade masks and headed straight to Tractor Supply. As if starting over wasn’t difficult enough, Tractor Supply was out of starter kits. So, what do you do in a quarantine? You make shift your life. And that’s exactly what we did. Our new sprouts are flourishing in egg cartons on the kitchen counter, what a time to be alive! Although, they haven’t started growing yet, so, we’ll keep you posted on the whole being alive deal..

To lightly encourage my fiancé to take me to Tractor Supply, I may have bribed him with a large Carmel Macchiato from Dunkin Donuts, but hey, we got there! Here is where the real unfortunate event happened. One that discredits all of my fiancé’s brain cells, and totally proved to the drive-thru lady that Americans are for sure idiots. As we all know, the world is taking extra precautions to stay safe now a days, Dunkin Donuts being one of them. Really, kudos to them. As we pull up to the drive-thru window, the lady reaches out of the window with a plastic bin that contains two coffees, and a plastic cup that had an unopened straw in it. Well, my fiancé takes the coffees, and proceeds to try and take the empty plastic cup. This cup was taped to the bottom of the bin, its clear purpose was to hold unopened straws. Yet, there he goes, pulling, and pulling, completely disregarding the frantic drive-thru worker saying “Sir, just the straw!” “Just the straw, sir!” As he proceeds to say “Man, that’s really stuck on there isn’t it!?” I about died of both laughter, and embarrassment that I am marrying this man. My greatest apologies to the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru lady, but I still laugh just thinking about this unfortunate event. And by the way, their coffee is still bomb, even during quarantine.

As the day continues to go on, you would think our unfortunate events would wind down. Wrong! The show doesn’t end until the fat lady sings, or in this case, your dog spills 32 oz of lemon water all through your table made out of raw wood. That’s right people, play time finished out the night almost like when a football team dumps the Gatorade container all over the coach after a big win. Luna decided she had so much fun during her game with dad, that she wanted to celebrate by dumping water all over the table. This event really kept me on the edge of my seat, let me tell you! So, there we were, sitting on the living room floor at 10:30 PM with the table flipped on its side, quickly drying it with spare beach towels, laughing at what our lives have come to.

I guess my take away from all of this is, even though life is definitely different right now, don’t forget to keep your head up. Our day was filled with a series of unfortunate events, yet I haven’t laughed that hard since quarantine has began. I encourage you to find laughter, and persistence in your new normal. Embrace the change, keep going, and always remember to water your plants.

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