How to Hard Boil an Egg

Part of being a successful adult requires a combination of stupid sh*t that makes you feel prepared, healthy, and far above the little people of the world who don’t know how to hard boil an egg. This beautiful, Spring-like, Sunday morning, I jumped out of bed promptly at 8:23 AM, made my over priced Espresso coffee, and I began my weekly meal prep of boring salads and squishy grapes that I highly despise. I am absolutely that person who will stand in the fruit section and taste test 10 grapes out of 7 different bags to make sure they aren’t the least bit squishy. As I am preparing my meals, I decided with my left over eggs that I would love to spruce up my salads this week with a hard boiled egg. What a treat that would be opening up my lunchbox after a morning of paperwork, and snotty children under the age of 8. Should be easy right? I’v done this once before and everything was smooth sailing. Of course, Google was my special guest star on my morning cooking show, and the expert told me to bring my eggs to a “roaring boil” and then remove from heat. Easy enough, as I recalled from the first successful attempt. Eggs covered and removed – let sit for 10 to 12 minutes – timer set – I got this. 12 minutes go by. Next direction – run eggs under cold water and peel. Precisely folding my 50 cent paper towel from Walmart in half, I lay out my beautifully hard boiled eggs and *splat!* Egg on my hand, egg on my ring, egg on my coffee pot, egg on the counter top. F*ck. Well, this is embarrassing . 25 years old and I can’t even properly hard boil an egg even with the help of my good friend Google. These are the tiny moments in my life that one, really piss me off – slimy egg isn’t the most desired hand lotion, and two – make me continue to look around the room for that “real” adult. Luckily, not even the dog was in the kitchen to watch my rookie mistake. After grumbling under my breath for a few minutes and cleaning up my mess, I started this whole process over again. Boiling the water, letting them sit, rinsing them off, blah, blah, blah. Then hey what do you know! To my surprise, I cut open another egg and IT’S STILL NOT DONE! Was God testing my patience? Because this exercise was clearly not going to get me any bonus points with the man upstairs. If you must know, the remaining eggs are still sitting in the pot, on the counter and will probably live there until my Fiance is tired of looking at them and throws them away. What I do want any reader who has made it to the end of this pointless story to take away is that as a young adult trying to navigate life in their 20’s, mistakes will be made. There are plenty of moments I go knee-deep into a situation thinking “I totally got it” and walking out the other side straight into a brick wall. Apparently making hard boiled eggs is one of those situations. My advice to you – keep going, keep trying, don’t be afraid to try something new! For instance – starting this blog. Who me? Starting a lifestyle blog? Who would possibly read the random thoughts running through my head thrown down onto paper? Well sister, here we are. Am I nervous for reviews or harsh comments? Of course, but for that one viewer I got from the United Kingdom for goodness sake, that is what makes it all worth it. Celebrating the small victories is what will get you through each season of your life, including the “closer to 30” whirlwind.

2 thoughts on “How to Hard Boil an Egg

  1. Just to say thanks for the follow and we all went thro’ this sh*t. Believe me the most frightening adult realisation is when your parents start relying on you for advice. You become their parents. That is truly justifying a WTF but in 38 pitch bold it’s such a brain fart of an idea. Enjoy your 20s. They’re prep for all the upcoming fantastic decades to come!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My cousins called their mom to find out how to boil an egg because they had never had to cook a meal in their life before they went to college. So, I think you are, unfortunately, not alone. I was not one of those, as I had been cooking the family meals since I was 12. It takes all kinds!

    Liked by 1 person

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